It's Opposite Day

One of my little sisters recently started her first year of college at the University of Colorado. Recently, like two weeks ago. I have made it no secret that I am wildly jealous and would probably do something regrettable to trade lives with her right now. It's because I have this really ridiculous and romanticized memory of college in my mind. Anyway, her existence in the fantasy land of unicorns, rainbows and cheap beer got me thinking about how I now lead a life that is pretty much the polar freakin' opposite of what I lived while I was in college. In the course of two short years, I turned things right around. And I don't really know if I did it on purpose. Let's break it down:



1.) Popular ways to pass idle time

I went to school in the Dallas/Fort Worth, TX. Now I live in Vail, CO. If the oppositey-ness of that isn't blatant from the get go, please stop reading.
TCU: I think I spent all of my extra time in college either a) drinking beer, b) spending money on things I didn't need or c) spending money on things I didn't need while drinking beer. Now there were other things to do, but I generally didn't participate in them.
Vail: I live in one of the most physically active and fit places in the country. I'm pretty sure there's some kind of silly statistical fact about that. Lazy and chubby college me probably wouldn't believe it if you told her. Hell, I spent like 15 hours a week at the rec center, but that's because I worked there. Not because I ever actually worked out. I was too cool for that. There was beer to be consumed.

2.) Average use of the word "bro" in casual conversation

TCU: never
Vail: 1,000 times per conversation. Maybe my coworker Jens and I started saying it in the workplace in regular conversation to make fun of the bro-brahs (if you need a definition, please ask). But now we do all the time in the ironic-but-not-ironic way. Sigh.

3.) What I wear on a daily basis

TCU: People expected me to, like, get dressed up to go out at night. Like, literally wear a dress. To a house party. Or even to my most favorite bar where you walked out smelling like a big cigarette even if no one was smoking (the smell just oozed out of the walls; it's the best bar on the planet). I should clarify, however, that if I wasn't "going out" I wore jeans that smelled like the aforementioned bar and a t-shirt from any number of fraternity parties to class. And sunglasses.
Vail: I wear jeans to work. I wear hoodies to the parties. During ski season, it's 100% acceptable for me to still be in my ski clothes at 8 p.m. and at the bar. This is preferable.

4.) Vehicular expectations

I have had the same car both places. It's a Jetta. It's the bomb. Except the trunk doesn't open. And the hazard light switch tweaks out ALL THE TIME and just makes an erradic clicking noise all. the. time. And it's been sideswiped on both sides. Oh, and it smells like crayons inside. What is that? It was like that when I got it, but seriously, why does my car smell like crayons? It's just weird. Anyway...
TCU: BMW, Mercedes, Tahoe, something similarly way fancy
Vail: BMW, Mercedes, Tahoe, but busted ass Subaru or off road machine of interminable origin will also suffice.

5.) Ratio of dudes to ladies

TCU: It's a well known fact (to anyone who went to TCU) that girls outnumber guys at TCU approximately 457 to 1. No exaggeration whatsoever. Any 18 year old guy that hasn't figured out his odds at TCU are better than anywhere else, quite possibly, on the planet (barring an all girls school isolated on a deserted island), he should probably have his man card revoked. Do 18 year old guys get those? Am I allowed to talk about man cards? Because I'm a girl, so I obviously don't have one.
Vail: The Vail valley, also known as the Male Valley, is crawling with men. Last winter I had a girl (who'd recently moved here, so we'll forgive her this one) ask me how to get a guy in Vail to buy her a drink. After secretly judging her for having to ask I told all she had to do was walk up to the bar and guys would just start throwing them at her to get her attention.

Moral of the story: things are a little different these days for your dear friend Kelly than they used to be.

My apartment is a HUGE mess, I'm writing instead.

I've often found that my best personal motivation to participate in borderline pointless activity is the avoidance of doing something that I actually really need to do. In college if I had a paper due at 8 a.m, I would clean my room or do laundry until about 1 a.m. and then frantically start writing. Interestingly, I find myself two years out of college, down to one clean pair of underwear and sitting on my couch writing my post-collegiate version of the personal essay. Irony. Anyway, I've been formulating a lot of pointless ramblings in my head lately that I feel like sharing with the amorphous Internet readership. Well, with the aforementioned faceless population and my friends who follow me on Twitter who might conceivably follow the link I post, come here to read this and think, "Wow, Kelly is hilarious. I'm so glad I'm friends with her."

Thanks in advance for that one, guys.

Oh, hi there...

Yes, yes. It's been a while. Ok, a really long while.

Moving right along...

The most infuriating online game in the history of man.

I kid you not. I gave up after about three tries. The Hardest Game in the World. Proceed at the risk of your own sanity.

Stuff White People Like

Not sure how many people might already know about this, but there is a hilarious blog called Stuff White People Like. Some people find this thing offensive, but I find it hilarious.